


Until The Stars Go Away.

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/M, I am so sorry, I don't know what I'm doing with this fic, It's a bit terrible, M/M, Marius trying to do the best for everyone, Pining, bad choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-09 20:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Courfeyrac just wants to do the right thing, but sometimes the right thing ends up hurting everyone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until The Stars Go Away.

Marius looked at the beautiful girl before him; he felt his stomach clench painfully as he looked down at the ring on her finger; the ring that he himself had slid on. He shook his head slightly to try and clear it of images from those days:  The desperate kisses, hands fisting in shirts trying to undress as fast as possible. The frozen stare followed by yelling. The horrible silence. The look on his face as he left the apartment….he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Marius what is it?"

Those images had been plaguing him for weeks. For weeks they'd been apart, for weeks Marius had ached for the touch that only one person could give him. He ached for the feel of their lips, their fingertips on his skin. Cosette wasn't enough, never was. It hadn’t gone unnoticed, the way he couldn’t keep his focus for long; his lack of interest in the wedding, how he would only make love to Cosette if she was on her stomach. It killed him to admit it. To look her in the eye and tell her he wanted her and all the while be picturing someone else. He swallowed hard, unsure of what reply was going to come from his lips. He looked at her hand on his arm and blinked hard,

"Cosette.....I can't do this."

 

_It had never meant to go this far. Marius needed a place to stay- Courfeyrac had a spare room. Sorted. It had worked well until one night and too much wine had led to a kiss. An accident; that's what they decided. A drunken mistake never mentioned again. Only Marius couldn't shake the feeling of Courfeyrac lips on his from his memory. He'd touch his lips and try to summon the memory over and over. It wasn't until he was fit to burst with wanting that it happened again. He hadn't even thought about it, hadn't thought through what would happen if he was rejected. He pressed his lips to Courfeyrac’s mid-sentence, cutting him off with a gasp. He felt Courfeyrac pull him closer, pushing his tongue into his mouth to taste him. Before he knew it he was moaning into the rug and begging for more. They didn't tell anyone. Didn't give any indication that as soon as the door was shut they were undressing one another and biting down screams as they took each other again and again, it became routine. For months it happened in silence- each falling harder for the other as each day passed._

_"I want to wake up next to you every morning."_

_"We can't though."_

_"Who's to say that we can't?"_

_"Marius...."_

_"I want you."_

_"I want you too. You know I do."_

_"Then let us be."_

_"I don't want this life for you."_

_"A life of happiness? Of love?"_

_"A life of being looked down on. Of being treated differently because of who you love. A life of no marriage, no children...."_

_"I would have you."_

_"I'm not enough."_

_"You are to me."_

_"I'm your friend."_

_"You're my heart."_

_"Best friend then."_

_"Won't you kiss me a while longer?"_

_“How long?”_

_"Until the stars go away."_

_When Cosette came along things had changed, the introduction was done in kindness, after a presumption that Marius was lonely had prompted Eponine to bring a friend from class to the cafe. Courfeyrac watched him from across the room, watched his polite chatter to a girl that was clearly taken by him. He felt himself grow hot and excused himself to stand outside and panic._

_"You should be with her."_

_"Who?"_

_"The girl from today."_

_"She's nice. But I don't want her."_

_"You should. She'd make a perfect wife."_

_"Who says I’m looking for a wife?"_

_“You should be with her Marius. She can make you happy.”_

_“Why do you have to do that?”_

_“Do what?”_

_“Push me into the arms of someone else.”_

_“Because I love you too much not to.”_

_“I won’t sleep with her. “_

_“You can’t promise that.”_

_“I can for you.”_

_“You’re a romantic fool my love.”_

_“I’m serious. I promise you.”_

_“Okay. You promise then.”_

_They tried to stop, it’s what they told themselves. They were trying to stop for the sake of Cosette. Marius stayed away from the apartment choosing instead to sleep wherever he could until he couldn’t take it anymore. He practically ran to the apartment banging on the door until Courfeyrac yanked it open; hello’s were not even exchanged before Marius kissed him, pushing him into the apartment and against the wall to deepen it, to taste him completely. It was like riding a bike, it just fell together naturally. They fit._

_“What are you doing? What are you doing here Marius?”_

_“I can’t keep it in any longer Courf, I need it…I need you…..please just….please.”_

_“It’s okay. Its okay I got you now, I’ll take care of you.”_

_“I love you. I love you so much”_

_“Don’t say anything more Marius.”_

_Marius gripped his shirt collar and stared at Courfeyrac’s throat- scared to look him in the eye when the next words came out,_

_“I don’t think I can do this without you.”_

_Courfeyrac pressed their heads together,_

_“Marius…”_

_Marius looked at him, his glassy eyes full of hope. Courfeyrac licked his lip before pressing a kiss to Marius’, ignoring the tears that fell- soaking both their cheeks._

_“Have you slept with her?”_

_Marius looked at the floor,_

_“Marius? Have you?”_

_“What do you want me to say?”_

_“Oh my God….oh my God you have.”_

_“Courfeyrac...”_

_He reached out for a hand that was quickly moved out of reach,_

_“Don’t. Don’t touch me.”_

_“She’s my girlfriend Courf.”_

_“You promised me, you promised me you wouldn’t.”_

_“You told me to be with her. You’re the one that said that we weren’t gonna be together anymore.”_

_“You told me you loved me….how long after we slept together did you go to her?”_

_Marius rubbed his face and looked away,_

_“Marius?”_

_“You have no right to be angry about this. You’re the one that told me to-“_

_“How long?”_

_“That night.”_

_Courfeyrac nodded. Trying not to let his face show the pain that coursed through him._

_“Get out.”_

_“Courf.”_

_“Get out Marius. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want you.”_

_“You cannot make me feel guilty about this Courfeyrac. You were the one who pushed me to her.”_

_Courfeyrac looked at him, the bile rising up his throat. He swallowed hard and turned away,_

_“Courfeyrac come on.”_

_“Marry her. Be with her. Forget this.”_

_“Courfeyrac please don’t do this.”_

_“Do you love her?”_

_Marius faltered; he didn’t know how he felt about her. Sure life was easier with her; in the long run he could have everything he wanted in life- and yet he was miserable. Courfeyrac turned to look at Marius, ignoring the tears that blurred his vision,_

_“I think you just said everything you needed to.”_

_“Courfeyrac…”_

_“Goodbye Marius.”_

_Cosette climbed onto the bed and slid behind Marius, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his bare shoulder,_

_“Come to bed Marius….let me cheer you up.”_

_“I’m not in the mood Cosette.”_

_“When are you?”_

_She huffed and pushed herself off him,_

_“Cosette…”_

_“Is it me? Do you just not want me?”_

_“Of course I want you.”_

_“Yeah you’re making that obvious.”_

_Marius turned from her and looked at the ground; Cosette sighed heavily and walked silently from the room. Marius covered his face and tried to stem the tears that kept coming._

_“You okay there Marius?”_

_He looked up from his beer to Joly’s face and smiled,_

_“Just tired.”_

_He looked around the café at his friends and sighed, one was missing._

_“Marius?”_

_He searched the room looking for him, when he saw him he froze. His stomach clenched painfully and he gasped slightly. He was there; but he was not alone._

_“Who is that?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“With Courf?”_

_Joly looked around,_

_“Oh him. Don’t know his name. Michael something. Met him on a night out I think.”_

_Marius swallowed the lump in his throat,_

_“I need some air.”_

_He stumbled through the café, ignoring the calls from his friends and made his way outside. He braced against the wall and sobbed into the crook of his arm,_

_“Marius.”_

_He turned to look at Courfeyrac._

_“What do you want?”_

_“To make sure you’re okay.”_

_“I’m fine. Go back to your boyfriend.”_

_“My…?”_

_Marius turned away again, not wanting Courfeyrac to see the tears in his eyes._

_“You coming here to make me feel guilty? We’re not together Marius. Remember?”_

_Marius stood up straight and wiped his mouth,_

_“Oh I remember. How can I forget when it’s ripping me apart?”_

_“I’m doing this for you Marius, you think I enjoy this?”_

_“Then let me stop lying to her.”_

_“You love her.”_

_“Not how I love you. Never how I love you.”_

_“Is it a sex thing?”_

_“No……….You don’t understand.”_

_“I don’t understand? Marius…I have never. Look at me”_

_He grabbed his wrist and made him look,_

_“I have never felt anything like I feel for you.”_

_He brushed his thumb against Marius’ wrist and looked at him, their eyes met briefly before their lips did.  Marius pushed him against the wall, tangling his fingers in Courfeyrac’s hair and deepening the kiss. Courfeyrac grabbed as much of Marius as he could, his fingers dug into Marius’ hips as they moaned into each other’s mouth. Marius pushed closer to Courfeyrac, pushing his legs apart with his own, his hard length pressed against Courfeyrac’s thigh as they fought to gain friction,_

_“Marius wait…Marius. We can’t”_

_“We can. We have to.”_

_Courfeyrac looked at him, his brain foggy with lust; before he could make a decision Marius was kissing him again, his hands moving down to Courfeyrac’s waist and tangling in his shirt._

_“I ache for you Courf; I ache for you all the time.”_

_Courfeyrac pushed him away as hard as he could, make him stumble back against the wall. They stood looking at each other in silence, Courfeyrac rubbed his face,_

_“Why can’t you just understand that this is all for you Marius?”_

_Marius looked at the man before him,_

_“But I love you.”_

_“I’m not good enough for you Marius….she is. She’s what you need.”_

_“I don’t want her. Christ Courfeyrac why can’t you just shut up and let me be with you?”_

_Courfeyrac ran to him and cupped his face,_

_“I can’t be the person you deserve Marius….just remember this and go have the life I can’t give you.”_

_He kissed him again before turning away and leaving him alone in the alleyway once more._

_“Where have you been Marius?”_

_“Out.”_

_“Where?”_

_“Just out Cosette.”_

_Marius took off his jacket and hung it over the door. He turned away from the bed and unbuttoned his shirt,_

_“Were you with another woman Marius?”_

_Marius paused and looked over his shoulder,_

_“Don’t be silly.”_

_“Where were you?”_

_Marius caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and looked away again; he felt in his pocket for the box and took a deep breath._

_“I was getting you this.”_

_He turned to face Cosette before getting down on one knee_

_“Will you marry me?”_

_Cosette flung herself into Marius’ arms,_

_“Yes. Yes oh Marius I love you.”_

_Marius clung to her and shut his eyes; he fixed the false smile to his face and blamed the tears on happiness._

_Weeks went by without any contact between them, the others noticed how miserable they had become and tried to intervene to no avail._

_“There’s something wrong with Marius.”_

_Eponine looked up from her book at Cosette,_

_“Sorry?”_

_“He’s not happy.”_

_“Of course he is, he loves you.”_

_“No….there’s something wrong. I heard him….crying.”_

_Eponine smirked,_

_“Marius always cries.”_

_“Not funny.”_

_Eponine put her book down and took Cosette’s hands,_

_“So tell me what happened.”_

_Cosette shook her head and bit her lip,_

_“He hardly sleeps- when he does he has dreams that make him……he doesn’t….eat. It’s like…it’s like he just doesn’t care anymore and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared for him, I’m scared that he’s gonna do something stupid.”_

_“Stupid? You mean like hurt himself?”_

_Cosette wiped a tear away,_

_“Do you think it’s me? Do you think he just doesn’t want me?”_

_“Why wouldn’t he want you?”_

_“We haven’t had sex since we got engaged. He just doesn’t seem interested. When we did have sex he would only…..we would only.”_

_“What?”_

_“He doesn’t want to look at me…I have to be….not facing him.”_

_Eponine frowned before realising what she meant._

_“Oh….oh I see….well maybe that’s just what he…likes?”_

_“Eponine I think he likes someone else.”_

_Eponine looked at her and looked away again,_

_“He does doesn’t he?”_

_Eponine looked at her,_

_“He loves you.”_

_“Who is it? Eponine please tell me.”_

_Eponine sighed,_

_“I don’t know if it’s…..it’s ludicrous to think it I mean he’s marrying you.”_

_“Who is she?”_

_Eponine chewed her lip for a moment,_

_“I don’t think it’s a she.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_Cosette watched her friend,_

_“Eponine what do you mean?”_

_Eponine looked at her,_

_“I think….I think something happened between him and….Courfeyrac.”_

_Cosette’s face dropped completely and she took a deep breath,_

_“But he’s….what do you mean?”_

_“Look I might be wrong okay- I’m probably wrong. It’s just…..all those things you just described? Courfeyrac is exactly the same way right now, like he’s grieving.”_

_Cosette looked at the ground as she tried to sort out her thoughts._

_“I need to talk to Marius…I…I’ll see you later.”_

_“Cosette wait….Cosette!”_

_Eponine watched her scurry off and pulled her phone out of her pocket, she typed out a message and grabbed her stuff to follow Cosette._

_Marius sat in the living room and stared at the wall. He heard the door slam and closed his eyes for a moment before fixing the smile on his face and turning to the door,_

_“Hi sweetheart.”_

_Cosette watched him for a minute before walking over to him. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up,_

_“Cosette.”_

_“Kiss me Marius.”_

_“Cosette what are you doing?”_

_“I want you to kiss me. Please. Please just kiss me.”_

_“Cosette stop it.”_

_She gripped his arms and pressed her lips to his, he stilled against them and she pulled away slowly._

_“Marius what is it?”_

_“I can’t do this.”_

Cosette let go of his arm and looked up at him

“What are you talking about?”

Marius looked away as his eyes filled with tears,

“Marius….”

“I’m so sorry Cosette.”

Cosette shifted on her feet and stared at him,

“Why?”

“Cosette you have to believe that I never wanted to hurt you. Never.”

She knew what was coming; the tear that fell from her eye went ignored as she crossed her arms,

“So it’s true?”

Marius looked at her,

“It’s true about you and Courfeyrac?”

Marius felt his stomach drop,

“How did you….”

“Find out? Well it seems it’s obvious to everyone. The way you two are- how did they put it ‘grieving’? So what happened? You go to him then come to me and tell me you love me?”

“No…no it stopped the second we got serious.”

“Oh well thank you for not sleeping with another person when you realised you liked me.”

“Cosette…”

“Don’t say a word to me Marius.”

She pulled the ring from her finger held it in her hand,

“Cosette please.”

“Do you love him?”

Marius looked at her for a moment before nodding. She stood up straight and clenched her fists,

“Get out.”

“Cosette I want to make this okay.”

“Make this okay? I wanted to marry you! I was ready to spend my life with you and you love someone else.”

“I didn’t mean to fall for him, you need to believe me. I never ever wanted to hurt you.”

“But you have. You let me fall for you knowing that you could never love me back.”

“I do love you though. I do. I just…”

“Love him more.”

“I tried not to. I tried to be the man you wanted. I tried Cosette.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re gay Marius how was that ever going to work?”

Marius faltered,

“I’m not……I don’t want other men Cosette.”

“You had sex with another man Marius, you’re in love with another man…..Oh my god it all makes sense…why you didn’t want me….well at least I know there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“I want you to be happy.”

Cosette ran a hand through her hair,

“I’ll be happy when you’re gone Marius.”

Marius didn’t say a word; he nodded before he turned on his heel and headed for the door. Cosette waited for the door to slam shut before sitting down heavily on the sofa and pulling out her phone,

“Eponine? I need you to come over…”

 

Marius stalked through the streets; not caring where he walked or who he walked into. He stopped at a corner and ran his hands through his hair, a sense of hysteria rising up inside of him. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialled Cosette’s number. There was no answer. He wasn’t surprised. He looked at the screen before sniffing and typing out a message,

_“Cosette, words are not enough to apologise for hurting you. I am truly sorry for that. I hope you find the happiness that you deserve. Just know that I loved you, but I couldn’t love you enough. I am sorry darling Cosette. I don’t ask for forgiveness just that you be happy.”_

He put the phone away and looked up at the sky, the stars were coming out. He knew where he wanted to be. Zipping up his hoodie he turned the corner and began to run to the building.

 

“Courfeyrac open the door. Please open the door.”

Marius knocked again before it flew open.

“What is it Marius?”

Marius looked at the man before him,

“She knows. She knows everything.”

Courfeyrac looked at him in surprise before composing himself,

“Come in.”

He walked into the apartment and rubbed his face. He looked around at the apartment then back to Courfeyrac,

“Are you okay?”

Courfeyrac scratched his neck,

“Clearly.”

“I miss you Courf.”

“What did she do?”

“Threw me out.”

“So that’s it then? She won’t take you back?”

Marius shook his head

“Told her I love you.”

Courfeyrac rubbed his face,

“Marius come on…”

He took a step forward and grabbed Courfeyrac’s arm,

“Don’t fight me off again Courf, don’t throw this away. Please.”

Courfeyrac looked at him,

“I am trying really hard to be the good person here Marius.”

“You are.”

“She’s broken hearted because of us.”

Marius touched his face and stroked his cheek with his thumb,

“It wasn’t intentional, shouldn’t we give her a chance to be happy.”

“By being selfish?”

“Why can’t we be selfish?”

Courfeyrac leant into his hand and placed his hands on Marius’ waist,

 “Courfeyrac I love you.”

“Oh Marius….”

“Tell me you don’t love me. Tell me and I’ll drop it.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Then say it.”

Courfeyrac looked at him and swallowed hard,

“I love you Marius, more than I have time to ever tell you”

Marius smiled and pressed their lips together,

“You have struck me Courfeyrac. And I can’t be apart from you anymore. I hate that I hurt her I do…but I love you so much. Please don’t push me away anymore.”

Courfeyrac looked at him for a moment before nodding.

“You really…there’s no chance of you two..?”

Marius moved closer to Courfeyrac and shook his head,

“And you’re sure that you want….that this is what you…”

“It is gonna take a lot to make it up to her, but there is nowhere on earth I would rather be than right here with you. I promise”

“But what about—“

“Shut up and kiss me Courfeyrac.”

The kiss made Courfeyrac feel weak, he gripped onto Marius tightly and allowed him to deepen the kiss more. He pulled away breathless,

“Marius…..”

“Just let me kiss you.”

Courfeyrac smiled and snaked his arm up around Marius’ neck

“For how long?”

Marius pulled him even closer,

“Until the stars go away.”

Courfeyrac kissed him, the smile he hadn’t felt for weeks breaking out on his face. Marius felt the tears in his eyes and let them fall, no longer having to lie about them being happy.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This did not end up how I wanted it to and I am sorry for that....but I tried. Oh Lord how I tried. If you have gotten to this then thank you and well done.


End file.
